Three Pigs Weekend

It was a wild one this past weekend as Fat Bradley and Fat Robert joined me for some football watching.

A good time was had by all, especially Fat Robert who pillaged, boozed and mauled for a day and a half without even leaving so much as a dime to compensate Bradley and I for our $150 grocery bill.

Fat Robert mauled lasagna, an entire can of easy cheese, half a box of crackers, cereal, bacon and eggs, chips, tacos and a few pieces of cheesecake.

The cow also split half a bottle of my Grey Goose vodka with Lonely John Henry and drank half of my 18 pack of Bud Light.

What a lowly tightass. Oh well, karma will bite him in his fat ass.

Dave the Seal aka Fat Bradley remains for the week and will be doing some sightseeing and getting some much-needed rest and relaxation away from his hopefully soon-to-be ex-wife Angie aka Richard Tator.

Thanks Coach, We'll Miss Ya

Class act all the way....

"And to the fans. To the Steelers fans in Pittsburgh and the fans around the country: Second to none. I want to thank you for your passion and your support. I've said this before: I'm a part of you. You can take the people out of Pittsburgh, but you will never take the Pittsburgh out of people. I'm one of you. Yinz know what I mean."

-Steelers head coach Bill Cowher

Cowher Is Gone!

I'll be the first to report it, officially. Well, obviously not but that's my guess.

The writing is on the wall. Cowher takes a year off, recharges, gets all of his girls to college and he roars back making beaucoup bucks and ready for a new challenge.

Where will he land? This is where I will make my prediction.

CLEVELAND

Yep, Crennel will be canned and the Browns will go get Cowher.

Remember where you heard it first.

A Fat Kid Freaks Out On A RollerCoaster Ride(funny)

Watch as Aunt Janice cackles in the face of a terrified and extremely tubby young blimp. Listen to his shrieks of terror as his fat ass squirms like a snake.

Hold Them Accountable

I challenge everyone who cares to voice their displeasure with the Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board for their idiotic decision to not award a slots license to the only vendor willing to keep NHL hockey in Pittsburgh.

Here is their e-mail address:

Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board

Express your opinion. These same panel members stood and had the gaul to give themselves a standing ovation for their hard work and decisions.

I am so disgusted I could puke. I wish some board members were near as I would throw up on them.

Shame on you. You are an embarrassment and disgrace to the state of Pennsylvania. Chairman Decker, resign your post.

KK Shines at Holiday Shindig

Wow! Our company Christmas party was a blast. Held in Apopka, Fl at the Captain and the Cowboy, a good time was had by all.

Drunk Santa aka my boss who shall remain nameless here in cyberspace needed some help so I stepped in to emcee the entire event, for the most part. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm perfectly happy to do shit like this so it was no big deal.

So, I busted balls, cracked the entire crowd up, hammered my boss and a few select others and got solid props for making people laugh, which again, I love to do.

It was a lot of fun. Wah, wah, wah, wahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pictured are (Left - KK, Santa and Jonathan Stone - Right). Hope to see everyone again next year. Same place, same time and hopefully, same atmosphere.

Happy Holidays to all and to all a good night.

Dumbass Littlefield Strikes Again

Another set of MLB winter meetings have come and gone and what do the pathetic, downtrodden and flat out sickening Pirates have to show for it?

A small amount of cash acquired in exchange for a rule 5 pick and the re-signing of a lefthanded reliever. While the Marte deal was good, GM Dave Littlefield failed again to acquire the lefthanded power bat the Buccos so desperately need.

It is so easy to lose interest in this team any more.....it really is.

Here is a great little nugget from an ESPN article:

Also, oddly enough, I saw another general manager at McDonald's: Pirates GM Dave Littlefield. He said Pittsburgh's ownership budgeted him only 20 bucks of expenses for the entire trip, so it's 99-cent McNuggets for breakfast, lunch and dinner all week. Poor guy. Although I suppose he's lucky he's even at the winter meetings. I'm surprised the league still bothers inviting the Pirates.

Philly Sucks, But the Cheese Steaks are Good

I went to Philly/Sicklerville, NJ this past weekend to visit my little brother Khris and take in a hockey game. We watched happily as the Penguins beat the piss out of the hapless Flyers. The crowd was not as bad as expected, but as usual, Philly fans showed their asses early and often. The whole area (Jersey included) is filled with millions of miserable, mean and frustrated fans.

I had the privilege of getting a cheese steak from the owner of renowned Geno's Steak's, Joey Vento (pictured, left). I told him I wholeheartedly agreed with the stand he recently took on speaking English.

"The brash owner of Geno's Steaks has sparked new controversy after two weeks of nearly nonstop national attention for signs posted near his take-out window that declare: "This is AMERICA. WHEN ORDERING, 'SPEAK ENGLISH.' "
--Philadelphia Inquirer

To read more, click here.

I hope my next visit includes a trip to Geno's...............

p.s. Vento appreciated my support and gave me a pen......gotta love that.

Same Shit, Different Name

Old Najeh Davenport, fresh off a 70+ yard week and a touchdown for the Steelers in an impressive win over the Chiefs, landed himself a new nickname.

Word out of the Burgh is that Davenport will now be known as 'The Dump Truck.'

What's so funny about that you ask? Read below:

MIAMI — A woman is suing Green Bay Packers fullback Najeh Davenport. She says he invaded her privacy by breaking into her dorm room and defecating in her closet.

Mary McCarthy sued yesterday in a state court in Miami.

Criminal charges were settled in October 2002 when Davenport agreed to perform community service. He denied breaking into the Barry University dormitory.

Police say they were told that Davenport entered a dorm room at the small Catholic university in suburban Miami in the early morning hours of April 1.

Mary McCarthy says she was asleep in the room. She told police she was startled awake by a strange sound and saw a man squatting in her closet. Police said the man, later identified as Davenport, had defecated in her laundry basket.

So take a ride on the Dump Truck and watch your laundry baskets!

Blimp Benedict Arnold Surfaces in Fla.

Be very, very wary of the lard in this picture and what you tell him. He is an extremely lousy person who will get you at the drop of a hat. He can be found near the beach and is usually grumbling about food and money. The 'Pig' as he is known should not be counted on to keep his yap silent and must be kept out of any loop. If not, you'll hang yourself by that rope. In other news, the said 'Pig' will also try to eat the rope. BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDITOR'S NOTE: Check out that combover.

Old Joe Pap Had The Shits

The poor old coot was turding his britches left and right during Saturday's showdown with the highly-overrated Ohio State Buckeyes. That said, the Bucks won me some $$$ after returning two INT's for touchdowns. So Hang on Sloopy yourself. For those interested, JoePa did not put on an extra 50 pounds. I played the senile bat at last year's AOL Halloween party.

Fat John Henry Comes to Florida

Yes my friends, the lards are reunited. Through some lobbying by KK and a stellar work record, John 'Pig' Henry is now onboard at XOS Technologies. A round of applause (and some hot dogs) please.

The manatee started last week and stayed with me the first few days. He was his usual lazy slob self and left the place worse than when he arrived. Pillows tossed around, blankets, lint in the laundry filter and such. I think he forgot that he was not the dictator as he was when I lived with him in Hell for a month in Ohio (Yes, it was that bad). But I handled the heffer with humble class.

Oh well, you can't teach a pig to be clean and this super swine ain't changing anytime soon.

However, Biskit and I are glad to have him in Florida and wish him well.

Rough Night in Jacksonville

What a boring game. That said, it was fun for the most part. It's obvious Big Ben was rusty, but it was still great to see him out there.

The Steelers will bounce back this week against a banged up Bengals squad.

Speaking of banged up, I was feeling fine at the game and the crowd was fun. I met a Jaguars fan and we had fun going back and forth.

I only had to let one guy know he was an asshole so that's not too bad. I'd definitely go to Jacksonville again, hopefully not to see a shutout.

Steelers vs. Jaguars: KK Live on Monday Night Football

Look for me. I'll be on the 50, 5 rows back. I'm gonna wear my Roethlisberger jersey and a cat in the hat style Steelers hat.

The return of Big Ben in Alltel Stadium and my first game since Super Bowl XL. I took Tuesday off so look out.

Here We Go Steelers Here We Go!

KK B'Day in FLA

Not much going on today as I turn 33 here in sunny Florida. Of course, today being my birthday is overcast and nasty looking but it's a work day anyway so no biggie. No plans for the night, but I'll hit it hard on Friday.

Gonna go to Giuseppe's Steel City Pizza in Port Orange Friday night to watch the Steelers take on the Eagles. Giuseppe's is a cool place and the owner is from western Pennsylvania. It's got a lot of flavor, and the food ain't bad either. I definitely recommend it to any Floridians.

All else is well as we inch closer to football season. Of course, it's almost September and the Pirates still haven't even won 50 games. Who cares? It's not even worth discussing.

Here's a picture of Biskit. She turned 3 months old August 20. She's a lot of fun, but potty training is still underway. I'd set progress at about 88%. That's all for now.

Biskit the Dog Comes to Florida

Been a long time since my last blog entry, but we're back. And yes there is a we. Biskit the baby Apricot/Fawn Pug came into my life yesterday. I got her from a wonderful breeder in Dunellon, Fla., Mrs. Pat Japart. Biskit was born May 20, 2006.

You can see her web site here.

She was given a clean bill of health today after a veterinary appointment here in New Smyrna Beach. Everyone loves her and she is adorable, despite numerous shits and squirts about the house.

Life is great so far after almost one month in the Sunshine State. I just moved into my new apartment (2 bedrooms, 1000 sq. ft) on Saturday. See it here.

NOTE: Click communities, then Lyme Stone Ranch.

Some amenities:
Sun drenched pool
Heated Spa
24-hour fitness center
Business center
Laundry care center
Car care center

Biskit and I live 5 miles from the Atlantic Ocean so we're beach bums. That rules! That's all for now, but rest assured we'll be back. We're a mile off I-95 so stop and visit.

Iratefans Make the Paper; Combat Counterfeiters

So, we're big now. Read this:
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/06179/701647-63.stm

But, as is the case with any good idea, thieves rush in:

Bogus Iratefans.com Shirts Surface
PRESS RELEASE: June 29, 2006
CONTACT: Kraig A. Koelsch
KraigK36@gmail.com
(704) 608-9117

Imitated, but Never Duplicated

Various reports are surfacing from Pittsburgh that area opportunist vendors are trying to cash in on the iratefans.com brand. "It's not a bit surprising. When people see a good thing, they all want a part of it," said iratefans co-founder Kraig Koelsch.

The bogus shirts say Irate Fan, rather than the plural fans. One loyal iratefans supporter discussed the shirt with the vendor who quickly moved on. Also, the P on the shirt's front has fallen to halfway between IRATE and FAN, but is still upright and lacks the "tracer marks" of a genuine iratefans t-shirt. The skull with the crossbones has baseball stitching, but lacks the lower jaw. The upper bones are shadowed against baseball bats.

"True fans that became aware of who we are and what we stand for won't fall for this weak imitation. Thanks for the flattery, but there's a big difference between driving a Mercedes and bouncing in a Mitsubishi," he added. To ensure you have an official shirt, make sure you get it from the iratefans e-bay store.
http://stores.ebay.com/iratefans

-30-

Breaking News From the Breadline: KK Gets Job!

Yes, it's true. Team KK saved himself from the storied and popular breadline. I've accepted a new position as ESPN Project Manager at XOS Technologies, Inc. in 'Fred G.' Sanford, Florida. I'm really excited to start a new career path and XOS is just beginning to blow up. I think it's a great fit for both myself and the company. My first day is July 17 and I'll be in corporate housing for the first month so I have no address as of yet. My phone number remains the same if you need to reach me. Here is the product I'll manage. And now, the former breadline countdown has changed to the goldmine countdown.

Iratefans Gaining Steam

Well, we've reached some serious eyes and ears and now have a few new editions to our cause. I submitted our plight to Deadspin and they loved it. Also, Baseball Prospectus was kind enough to make reference to our McClatchy Line term, which, for those who don't know, means .a .500 record in Major League Baseball.

And today, I appeared on AOL's Sports Bloggers Live to trumpet iratefans.com. The report will be online and available at 5 p.m. June 15 at the above link. Ironically, I was sandwiched in a three-guest lineup that included #1 Drew Carey, #2 KK and #3 Lucas Black, Star of Fast & Furious and QB in Friday Night Lights.

Those mentions, along with our appearence on WPXI-TV Channel 11 and the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette mean our cause is at least a valid one that people have interest in. And that is our goal. Expose these bums and get some change.

Keep it going gentlemen. Visit Iratefans.com!

Iratefans Unite!

The first gathering of Iratefans gathered Saturday to watch the Pirates take on the Padres. We survived a nasty lightning storm and saw the Bucs beat the Padres 6-4.

The group consisted of about 12 fans (a few didn't come into the game).

The minute we put our shirts on, the looks started. We were hanging out on the street at Firewaters North Shore Saloon & BBQ. We actually had a few people walk up to us and buy shirts, even though none were technically for sale.

Everyone who commented loved the idea. The owner of Firewaters, Jeffrey Joyce, was very receptive to our cause and welcomed our group. Jeff also offered a room for our next get together and some food at a good price. Thus, Firewaters is now the official bar of the Iratefans.

As we waited for WPXI to film us, everyone got a chance to meet each other. Many were acquainted via OnlyBucs.net, but had never met in person.

As soon as WPXI came, we got even more looks and smiles as we were being filmed. As I entered the stadium, numerous double takes and comments were often heard.

In a nutshell, the cause is off and running and the news on the street is very good.

So get your shirt now and join the cause. We'll be planning Game no. 2 very soon.

-Kraig A. Koelsch