Wednesday, November 06, 2013

An Open Letter to My Sweet Baby Girl

My dearest Biskit --

Kraig KoelschI cannot even begin to tell you how much I love you and how you changed my life forever, all for the good. You are such a sweet, good baby. From the moment I saw you on the Internet, I knew you were going to be my baby girl. You might not know this but you had a few sisters and brothers so when I came to see you for the first time, your 'breeder mommy Pat' asked if I thought I could pick you out. Guess what, she said I did without hesitation and I know I did because it was you!

The picture on the right is the first time I ever held you, kinda felt right, huh? Your sweet little left leg up on my shoulder and neck. You were born in Dunnellon, FL, which is near Ocala and Gainesville. More on the significance of that later.

I knew you were my baby girl instantly so I paid the deposit, and did my interview, I mean, just not any bozo deserves to be your daddy, and then I went on my way. The whole next week was like Christmas as I knew I was coming to get you that following Saturday. That was our first ride together and not the best that's for sure. You were not happy and cried, pooped and pee'd all the way to New Smyrna Beach, but that is where our love affair began. It was not easy to get you to go potty and especially not in the right place! But with some persistence and love, you broke the household accidents and turned into the best little girl who could run free around the house and usually, just enjoy doing it. Every now and then a toy might get mangled or some paper chewed up but hey, that's what dogs do! And rides, boy did we love to 'go for the ride' or 'go for the walk.' I always smiled as you listened to every word, tilting your head as the conversation went along.

Kraig KoelschYou were there by my side when I bought my first house in New Smyrna Beach and were there for me when I had to leave it. I loved taking you to your favorite place in the world, Smyrna Dunes Park or as you knew it, 'the doggis beach'. We really had such a great time in New Smyrna and Florida in general. But, in early 2010, we had to change directions professionally.

You were there for me when I moved to Chicago, knowing nobody and you took it all in stride. I know you didn't like the snow or the cold and what Florida gal would? But you dealt with it like a good baby, just as you always were. Many a night I was missing friends and the like but as soon as I opened that door, seeing you fixed everything. It always did.

We had a good time in Chicago, too. Lord only knows we moved three (and a half) times. But the best for us was in Roscoe Village, close to your best buddies Todd and Kim and Taylor the dog. We had lots of fun with them but yes I know, Biskie wants to go to the dogiss bar!

And boy did we have fun there, the Four Treys Tavern became a family for us and Biskie, you were the star of the show. You were the sweet baby girl pug that 'just sits in that bar stool and behaved' or 'sang to the crew in your high-pitch voice.'

I can't tell you how many times people asked to pet you or said that dog is just so well behaved, she just looks and looks at you, Kraig. Biskit, nothing made me happier than the love I felt from you as you did look at me no matter where we were or what we were doing. Your eyes warmed my heart and let me assure you, the hearts of so many others who loved you so dearly.

Kraig Koelsch
Our dear friend Brad Spry was in town for Thanksgiving in 2007 and he took this picture. Do you know where it was taken baby? That's right, the dogiss beach!

It's quite ironic as the message was meant for Thanksgiving but when I see it now, it makes me think of you and you saying thank you to me. Oh dear baby, it is me who will be doing the thanking. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, thank you for being such a good girl and thank you for allowing me to be your daddy.


Being your daddy is the single greatest achievement I have ever accomplished. As you know, daddy got a new job and it was time for us to return to Florida in October 2013. After all, we never wanted to leave in the first place but we did what we had to do as a team.

I was so excited to take you to the dogiss beach and you were happy to return, and we had Dad along so that made it all the better. You and I plus Dad set the apartment up and went for lots of walks and rides, which I know were your favorite.

So here we were back in Florida, back in your home baby. I will never understand what made you sick last Friday but I knew something was wrong, so I initially tried to be a good daddy and make you comfortable.

So I wrapped you in this blanket and hoped that you could rest and feel better. But daddy knew better and knew his baby girl was not feeling right. So we got to 'go for ride' to the Emergency Vet Hospital in Casselberry. You were a good girl and hopped right up in the car and away we went.

Kraig KoelschI thank God that we did go as you were a sick, sweet little girl. I received word very early Sunday morning that you needed to go to Gainesville, to the University of Florida Veterinary Hospital. I jumped in the car at 3:15 a.m., came to get you and we had our last ride together up to Gainesville. I treasure that ride Biskit but I know you were so sick. That didn't stop you from looking at me though and I tried my very hardest to comfort you while driving as fast as the law allowed (yeah, I know that one stop light about threw us both in the dash...sorry about that.) You didn't seem pleased. :-)

Biskie, I know you already know, but this hospital is the best in the state and I wouldn't settle for less, not even a little bit. I was so fortunate that I was able to visit you a few times over the next two days.

Now comes the hard part my sweet, beautiful girl. I got the reports, I saw the test results, I heard the news and most importantly, I saw you. I saw my baby in excruciating pain, bleeding, and with your liver and kidneys failing you. I saw your face and how much stress and pain you were in but you still always looked into my eyes, even as you struggled to take each breath. And that last time I saw you, I knew that as your daddy, I had made the right decision to help you. Biskit my love, I sure hope you understand why I did what I did. The best of the best were by my side and they helped daddy make Biskie feel better. My goal as your daddy was to always make you feel better.
I wouldn't have been anywhere else than by your side, looking into those beautiful eyes as daddy and the doctor did make Biskie feel better. Please understand that I did this out of unconditional love, I know you do baby girl, I know you do.

I could write a thousand pages about my love for you and it wouldn't do you justice. But I did want you to know that I do know how much you loved me, I know how much you followed me and I know how much you basically worshipped the ground I walked on. Let me tell you, it was a pleasure.

I find it both ironic and a bit comforting that you passed away not far at all from the little town of Dunnellon, where I got you back in August 2006. I think God may have wanted you to come home to him sweet girl but before he brought you, he needed you to go home one last time. I'll never understand why you were taken from me so soon, but it won't stop me from cherishing all the great years we had together.

So my dear sweet baby girl, I will end this letter to you with one last affirmation. Biskit Koelsch, I love you with all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my mind and all that I am. You were the best little girl your daddy could ever have and I am so proud of you for being my girl. You were a good girl, a tough girl and a strong girl every day of your life but most of all, you were a fun girl who changed most people that ever met you. The picture to my right is my favorite picture ever taken of us. Dad took it when Mom and Dad joined us for a walk in Florida one day.
Kraig Koelsch

Biskie, don't think for a minute that we won't be reunited someday again, and boy, I will join you in that full sprint until you are again in my arms. But I know God is with you and many others that will watch over you until I get there. I know now you'll watch over me and that gives me great comfort.

You know I don't like the word goodbye so I will most definitely see you soon Biskit. You will forever have my heart, my soul and all that I am. Thank you for being such a good baby and loving me, you are the best thing I ever called my own.

Love you always and forever my sweet baby girl,

Daddy

In loving memory of Biskit Koelsch - Born May 11, 2006, Passed Away November 4, 2013

6 comments:

Unknown said...

Beautifully worded and very moving. Shortly after losing our 1st Bullmastiff (Cyrus) in similar fashion (happy and healthy one day and gone the next), I found this quote and think it is very fitting. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Daniel Underhill:

“It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them.
And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart.
If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog,
and I will become as generous and loving as they are.”
- Anonymous

Carrie S. said...

Kraig, that was beautiful. With our Dexter's passing still so fresh (just months ago), reading this brought tears to my eyes. And while the experiences and stories were different - Dexy did not like the car AT ALL, the unconditional love we got from him was echoed in the sentiment you shared about Biskit. It's so hard when our furry loved ones are taken from us so soon (we had Dex for 5 short years). So from one sad furmama who could never really put the hurt and love into words, thanks.

Unknown said...

Lovingly said!

Unknown said...

Kraig, that was so awesome to read. I felt like I knew her through you. Animals are so special and such a huge part of our families...and yes, our babies. I feel your heartache and know there will be a day that my first baby (my 18 year old Angel kitty) will be with God too, so reading that just brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your joy and pain with us. So special!

Anonymous said...

Kraig, I can't tell you how proud I am of how you've handled everything that's come your way recently (from Chicago to present)! It's been so difficult and I know much you loved your Biskie.. I'm aware your heart is broken ,as all of ours are more than a little cracked along with yours .She truly was the most precious, loving and devoted little dog I've ever encountered. I'm hoping there are answers that will be found, possibly to help other people and their pets in the future. It was such a shock and so traumatic for us and has changed all of our lives forever .We will miss her immensely. Remember the poem on the wall in our front hallway: Our family is a circle of Love and strength . With every birth and every union the circle grows. Every joy shared adds more love .Every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger..

With love,

Mom

Mike Morris said...

Beautiful epitaph Kraig and a fitting tribute to one of the coolest dogs I ever met. She loved you unconditionally, and it was pretty obvious from the first moment I met her. All dogs go to heaven, and she'll be there waiting for you. Find peace, my friend, and take heart that she is in a happy place now and bringing her love and affection to all of our friends and family that have also passed.